Aug
22
2010
I must have gone crazy to type an entry as such. But I’ve been evaluating myself and I realize that I was wrong all this while. Not entirely but just a lil-stubborn part of me which God has revealed to me throughout this period where I see my character is enhanced for the better.
I confess that I have a love-hate relationship with myself. I cannot not hate myself for these (current) reasons;
1) my lappie’s gonna die soon and I don’t have the $ to get myself a new one. And never will I beg my dad to get me one.
2) I want to go for a nice holiday and I don’t have the $ to do so. And never will I beg my dad to sponsor me.
3) I’d like to get myself a gift (which I have in mind for sometime) for my effort throughout my studies but judging from my condition now, I’d better save it for rainy days. And never will I beg my dad for a graduation gift.
4) my family dropped by Sg and we all visited Universal Studios. My heart ached as dad paid for the entire family entrance. Hey, at my age, I am suppose to be doing the payment instead …
What God revealed to me is that I never want to seek help from others. Even the tiniest one. Eg; die die must open myself the super tight cap of the newly bought mineral bottle. Or refusing a kind hand to help carry my heavy groceries. And when I need a major help, I can practically forget about asking. And from this attitude of mine, how could I relate to me seeking help from Him?
These days, I have been earnestly seeking and asking Him like how a child begs his/her daddy for ice-cream/toy/playground time. And of course I learn to receive help (not financially) from kind Samaritans too. I’m sure many times my Daddy already knows what I want and is waiting for me to beg/ask. I say it draws us nearer to each other, as I first pluck up the courage to ask and next communicating my needs and to understand the ‘No’ or ‘Wait’ answer from Daddy. Some may shy away from Daddy during the ‘waiting period’, some waited earnestly for at least an answer. Some blame Daddy for the negative answer. But in the process of Daddy’s answer, how have we been? Have you set your character right? Have you been cursing and sought underground ways to get off the situation? Are your priorities aligned to the way we ought to be?
All the hardships that made me hate myself…make me love myself more. Because I know I am taking the right path. And my motives and desires are correct. No matter how poor or troubled, I know the process is making me a winner. cheers people, whatever hardships you are in, never give up. Lean not on your understanding =)
Aug
19
2010
I said ‘yes’ when the familiar-turning-chubbier-face was expecting an answer. But lemme clarify that I heard rounds of practices going on before the question was thrown to me *pleased* (at least got effort prior to persembahan (perfomance) hor)
So, with all my leftover strength after a long tiring day, plus the horrible humid weather, I gave my fullest attention, and….
The guitar string was plucked with grace; a familiar song was it.
The familiar-turning-chubbier-face gave a satisfied (and a lil proud-duck) look. The song stopped after 1st verse was played.
My face printed a perplexed look, and looking evil and sheepishly I asked, ‘A Song?’
The once-proud-duck-satisfied face turned into a beetroot in a sec.
Somehow I have this feeling that more practices will take place, and the next time when we meet, the question will be..
Play you an album?
Aug
14
2010
By this revelation, the secret project is NOT that secret any more, isn’t it? *kns T_______T
And I think I’ve been saying that I have many secret projects ever since the dinosaur age many times already that I don’t even know if those previous ones are secrets anymore T__T *secretive*
am I sensing someone is gonna cekik (strangle) me from behind?*
Aiyah, sounds boring if I blog about the same thing LAH (trying to maintain my Malaysian accent), lemme create some lame suspense *laughs like minion* ;D
Mebe…I think..I should go for a liposuction!
or or mebe..erm, bust enhancement? sharks, why I actually bother stating the obvious
wut else…go hunt for sharks 30m below sea level? yeah rite, and get eaten instead
or learn how to cook! actually I am an expert already;
*blinks blinks*
(hopefully I don’t set the kitchen on fire)
what else can I do? read? play? enhance my socializing skills *erhem*
ok, I have to admit, I am hyper now – just had my cuppa because I am burning midnight oil tonight. Sienzzz. Someone pweasse gimme some encouragement. Any adrenalin rushing stories to spur me up?
For example :
Wow, who is this ‘hot’ girl !! 
Don’t worry, I will not burn my room. My rent doesn’t cover fire insurance.
Aug
12
2010
I guess I’ve been rather very silent. Not realizing how fast time flies, I enjoyed every second when I was having my fair share of deserved break.
Of which, however, I spent most of my time with my parents. Also, seeking love from people who love me; showering love to them (including Gingy). Doing what I have to do. Doing what I hope I’d achieve in this short period of time. Mastering the art of overcoming my fear(s) and frustration(s). Dwelling myself in fasting and prayer, hoping that God’ll open the ‘right’ door to what I am earnestly seeking right now.
Honestly Lord, I am not greedy, even if You open a small window for me, I know Your blessings will be more than enough. Probably I couldn’t even stand the huge amount of blessings when a large gap is opened for me through the ‘door’? But I don’t mind Lord, I am ready, whether is a door or a window, I am here to RECEIVE! (Positive proclamation : Dr Yonggi Cho)
The truth is, I guess, is that I don’t want to disappoint people who love me. People who look so highly upon me, who unknowingly instilled a certain amount of pressure unto me. Performance is pretty subjective. As we mature, our value of things around us changes. Eg, singles value career. A family person would most probably prioritize family. In the end, it is not us ‘the outsiders’ who could judge but rather the person him/her-self on what really mattered most.
No worries. I am still a fighter. I’ve been tough, just tougher with time. Confidence level on the other hand, fluctuates. Oh, this reminds me of this joke I had with Oinky; that his confidence level depends on these factors (in random order);
1) hairstyle T____T
2) $ in wallet
3) gas (fuel)
4) body shape & size
HAHAHAHA.
This (FAT) bear, looks like it is about to eat me T__T. Probably its confidence level was super low (because it was super fat *duh) that I could escape from being eaten! MUAHAHAHA
Or rather, I am too cute to be eaten *shameless
Aug
10
2010
Pretty long I should say. Just lemme digest what I have been up to, and update next 
Too much to digest, my lappie is NOT helping (something is wrong with the NVIDIA driver) too.
Meanwhile, those who know what I have been up to, keep me in your prayers. Certainly need some miracle from heaven =)
Jul
30
2010
One of the things I didn’t inherit from my mom is her super good memory.
I cannot remember when was the last time I stepped foot into a hospital.
However, I sacrificed my sleep today to accompany mom for her medical appointment. Nothing serious, no worries. Just a follow up from an operation she once had *not saying more (leaving mom some privacy)
I am sure many of you,especially Ipohians are familiar with Ipoh Specialist Centre. We Chinese have our own name for it – we call it ‘Tai Pak Sa’ (means octopus in Cantonese), mainly because the bill will kill you like how the octopus kills its prey T__T
The minute I entered the hospital, I thought I was in the wrong place. It looks instead like a hotel – the main entrance, the admission/pharmacy counter…
Pharmacy counters from 12 to 19 (8 counters in total)
And walking towards the cafeteria passing by the outlets,I thought I was in a shopping mall. There is even a simple grocery outlet selling internet services for RM2 per hour and Nelson’s .. I mean..Nelson’s??
I cannot imagine a hospital that encourages an outlet that sells…fried icecream
This guy was busy playing his hp game, and was the reason I dared to take this pic upfront *brave
Putting the hospital outlook aside *still shocked* perhaps I’d share a lil on what I have observed and hear from the doctors today. Yes. DoctorS.
Firstly, it was Dr. Luis. He has many many many (ok, trust me, many) qualifications as a doctor and surgeon. He started out from USM and then subsequently to UK for his specialization including surgery, and erm MBA. Yes, you see correct. MBA.
When I forced myself into his room, he greeted mom with a cheerful look. I found myself instantly pondered on the motivation behind his enthusiastic smile. I was then still, having my morning blues *shy. Then I remembered the qualifications and how much he earns a month, I evilly analyzed that it could be one of the reasons behind the smile. And not forgetting that…today is TGIF !!! *slaps head ;D
He asked mom many questions. Then mom related her shoulder pain, something that has given her a lot of pain throughout the years to the headache that could be related to Dr. Luis’ professional concern. Perhaps it wasn’t the first time mom told Dr Luis about her pain, and when he pressed on further (and confirming his suspect), I was much relieved that finally Dr Luis mentioned that there is a new technology that could be the remedy that mom has been seeking for years!
Dr Luis’ concern was whether mom was involved in any major accidents that related to ‘that’ silent suffering throughout these years. Mom denied and told him her suspect – due to EXTREME sports with children /while taking care of children(I guess we guys were monsters). My eyes almost popped out when I heard that. And needless to say, almost choked. Dr Luis burst into laughter and pointed to me and said – Eh, you hor? I so almost wanted to hide under his table.
Dr Luis then examined mom’s condition via a fibre optic, like the photo below (he sprayed anesthetic 5 minutes prior to examination).
For the first time, I witnessed a human’s,particularly mom’s nasal passage LIVE on TV. Looks good ;P !
After that, he then referred mom to Dr Vhisva after the many calls he made. (Thanks Dr Luis!)
We had to wait for quite sometime; Fridays are Dr Vishva’s ‘operating day’ (non consulting day). Being referred by Dr Luis, he was kind enough to consult mom. We showed our appreciation by waiting super patiently…*proud
My prayers are 1/5 answered when Dr Vhisva found the ‘problem’, the culprit that has had robbed mom from her freedom these years. Imagine not being able to carry/put your arm behind your back/move your shoulder freely(360 deg)..and the pain it causes. I could only sit patiently listening to mom’s cry every.single.time her pain strike(d/s)…and regretting not pursuing medicine (yes I mean this, besides the $$ I’d bound to generate) *KNS
There are 4 main muscles joining our shoulder & arm. 2 (biceps & triceps) at the humerus, subscapularis rear & subscapularis front. Both subscapularis muslces on mom’s are hurt. And doctor can only conclude if they are torn should in next 2 weeks mom’s muscles are still in pain despite the anesthetic injection he injected into her rear subscapularis muscle. Mom’s expression told me that it was very very painful…=(
Yes, if the pain disappears, the muscles are not torn and my mom only needs physiotherapy (again T__T). But if it is the otherwise, mom will need to do a MRI scan (X-ray doesn’t show) and from there doctor will slowly fix her problem. Common sense tells me that the culprit is pretty ‘bad’ (despite the years), and the fact that the doctor himself admitted that it is ‘chronic’.
After the meeting thanked God or leading us to Dr Vishvanathan. Or else mom’s pain will be left untreated (she has seen many specialists). And mom being mom started her motherly ‘lecture’ on the importance of correct postures in our daily activities…(her am I passing on her lectures online) haha, nolah, just FYI/future references.
Anyway, since Nelson’s there, a Starbucks outlet in the hospital wouldn’t hurt/would do fine don’t you think so? At least bored visitors could kill some free time, doctor’s could release some stress, nurses could gossip on the hottest doc…or rather, I could buy Dr Vishva (or any other cute YOUNG doctors) a cuppa to show my appreciation? ;P
Jul
27
2010
As the title suggests, Gingy is her name. She is an addition to my family, hmm, or more like a ‘companion’ to me. She’s so gonna be loved, hugged and kissed by me. But I don’t deny that during times when I am stressed, I’d squeeze her as hard as I could or maybe hit her or *xxx* (whatever la) as long as my stress can be relieved. And during not-so-good times, she’d be gazing at me under my armpits all wet with my tears, telling me that things’d gonna be ‘okay’ in her own special way….She is and will always stay happy; she proved me so.
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Say hello, to Gingy, my companion..now… you know why I (and my mom/bro) love her so much, don’t you?
*grins*
Jul
26
2010
I have been inspired to jot down my journey with Him…it’s been a burden in my heart for some time, with this finally, I’ve created a tab *see above*. Hopefully my life journey inspires soul(s), although it will not that frequently updated. I myself is going through a time of wrestling with God. Not easy, like a little kid, I have many questions in my mind. Hopefully, I am able to build the character He wants in me…who wants to be involved in struggles anyway? =)
Jul
22
2010
Although I am born and breed in Ipoh, I have to admit that I am rather erm, *pauses* oblivious of the good food available.
Beacon Point has been in operation since my upper primary days, and never once was I a customer until this trip back when I so happened to be around that area for foot reflexology.
Mom on the other hand is more champion compared to me lar. Been here twice, yet never once ajaked me there *feels hurt wuhuhu =P
Anyway, a tour around the cafe, sounds great?
The cakes are highly recommended
Not too big an area rite? This is NOT the kitchen, mind you.
Their set lunch menu.
If you want something different, you can pick from the menu too. There are breakfast snacks and tea sets as well =)
Blurry me, anyway, do focus on the soup! It’s creamy, unlike those watery-diluted ones you get from most cafes!
Mom’s Chicken in Apple and Raisin Sauce. You get fresh vege (looks like fresh from Camerons), mashed potato and the chicken meat. Good deal? I say yes.
My Flemish Stew (Beef), served with fresh vege & mashed potato. =)
Dessert of the day – some coconut shred brownie I think.
My choice of tea (or coffee).
And they happen to customize their cakes it seems =)
Mom’s set
Soup of the day,main course (refer above), dessert & choice of coffee/tea
RM 15.80 (tax inclusive)
My choice
Soup of the day,main course (refer above), dessert & choice of coffee/tea
RM 18.60 (tax inclusive)
Beacon Point,
41 Lintasan Perajurit 6,
Taman Perak
31400 Ipoh
Tel : 05-5469916
B.Hrs Mon-Thu (11am-6pm)
Fri – Sat (11am-10.30pm)
Jul
20
2010
Hmm, perhaps I shouldn’t look that far..20 years to come is already a big Q altogether…
Today I landed once again at a place call home…and what moved my heart most was the sight of my 80-year-old neighbour uncle (who lost his wife sometime 10 years ago) walking towards his house from the playground all alone, dressed in his exercise attire; he just finished his daily morning ‘taichi’ with the elderly group.
Suddenly I found myself feeling pity for him, for being living alone since 10 years ago. I still remember aunty as a very cheerful bubbly person. Mom used to stand at the porch for hours talking to aunty about so many other things that many times, I got jealous-ed *shy
Uncle had to be very independent since then. He learned to cook (sometimes he’d cook for mom too), and just recently these 2 years he got himself a part time maid since he couldn’t do much house chores anymore and his daughter who is now living with him is very busy with her work.
Sometimes, when I am abroad, I feel for my parents. Dad is so busy with work, and mom is left alone at home at day. I wonder what would they do without each other; a fact that only time will decide, not anytime soon. I’d like to have the chance to shower them with my hard work $ or at least have them around to see their grandchildren (either mine or bro’s) before they bid us farewell. I constantly keep them in my prayers, praying for their safety and health; the only thing I couldn’t see from afar…
Someone asked me if I am even 20 (very recent case) T___T and when I said ‘YES’, he guessed my mom is around the age of 40+ plus. She put on a happy look for the rest of that day. Even dad looks quite young for his age, minus his balding shinny head…so yes, they are all happy and healthy and I’m gonna make them go for more trips in the future hehehe
Perhaps I am having a quarter life crisis now…or rather just too many things in my mind now that needs my attention. All of them jumbled up all together a particular time that sometimes, I don’t know what I was feeling the previous second. Numb. I guess I have to learn to prioritize, whichever that requires the urgency first to be dealt with but then again, too many external factors that somehow indirectly linked them all together. The process of separating them is a complicated process. Heart aches/frustrations/confusions are the few stumbling block. How lar. Why must life be so complicated?
Someone asked if I am greedy (not in materialistic terms). After much contemplation, I conclude that I am not but instead, very anxious and impatient. These are my stumbling blocks that grew into negative thoughts, and eventually I fell and got to learn to once stand up (loops process)
I am learning, and learning and learning. In all aspects that is. I know the ‘light bulb’ will appear soon =)