I’ve been slacking. And I have been blaming the root cause to others, only to be hit hard that it was really just me in the end. I guess it is better late than never, to ever realize that when I had conveniently linked to many other factors, that the fingers are actually pointing back to me.
Ignorance is bliss. Maybe. Sometimes. Or not that quite ?? It is hard catching up with time when I had conveniently allowed many things set as history.
I’ve always thought that I am a quick learner. I’m wrong. Not anymore I guess. I did, but I almost drowned in this competitive
dirty world. Such a shame to only admit that I’ve been lacking much but I really couldn’t quite care. In all things, I still believe there is hope and faith that couldn’t be replaced with $$ nor power.
The simplest example ever, I dress like shit. I used to stay well groomed but not anymore. Okay maybe not that shitty… just rather, erm, how do I phrase it… casual? simple? no fashion sense?
I am pretty sure that being alone in Singapore really does not need such high investment in fashion. I ditched Dino’s idea of getting me a mirror. I’m pretty sure I’ll NEVER ask the mirror who is the fairest so let’s save some space and $$ thank you. God bless his kind intention though ;D
Out of desperation (I needed air con, air con!!) , I had a walk alone in the mall today and I realized that I was really really under dressed. I wondered what had happened to me. Because not only did I really cared, I felt proud of being myself without the slightest feeling of being inferior. After analyzing myself at the mirror, I admit I do lack some fashion taste, a good hairstyle, some lip gloss … compared to other shoppers.
Don’t worry, I’m not in the midst of some life crisis (I am having some issues myself but not to this extreme). I just feel contented being myself. Too contented in fact. People say that putting on make up is a respect for others, but really, I couldn’t be bothered if those make-up ingredients are cancer causing. Also, I’m not risking my life if I have to be dependent on those products for the rest of my life after my first, or second trial. On the other hand, I know I’ll stay groomed as needed or, if Dino is around, and I’m not out to catch some ‘big fish’ so that is pretty much the end of the story LOL!!
Sadly, my cracking lips are betraying me. My skin is dry and I couldn’t hide it any longer. I had no choice but to implement some drastic measures…lip gloss, hydrating masks, facials…phew. I guess I am just fighting the fire… TT___TT
What makes thing worse, is I know pretty well that most of the ingredients used are cancer causing although it helps short term. What a dilemma huh? I’m not liking this. I have this I complain. I have that, I complain. FIRST WORLD problem huh?
I have just summarized what I am going through with the lame examples above. Thank you for hearing my rants. I’m just not really understanding the world, why $$ and power could mean so much and be such a powerful weapon (prolly I’ll never understand it until I have $$ and power?). I’m not giving up my hopes of having a just, righteous world. I surrender my hopes to my Abba Father.
In the end, it is just me for being naive, ignorant and stopped catching up with the world’s pace. I’ll just continue to live my life with hopes, continue with my love for durians, continue being me and striving to be better!
My prayer persists.